The words I wish I could say

A feeling of sadness, that's what I see in you. Your smile makes me rough, and my words become stone. You say hello, and I blow you away. But in it all, this is what I wish I can say. I miss you, I love you, I wish I could be kinder. But I can't, so I don't, yet I know this isn't right. I am distant and silent, but I wish to be close and speak with you. You are my friend,one of my best friend, this is true. How have we let this relationship come to be this way? My mind hurts and the song plays the same. Yet, I hear the words and I feel betrayed. You are sweet and you are good, so I know I must be the fool. You are kind and gentle, that's why I know I am mental. All I want to say is, I couldn't let you get away. But sometimes I'm afraid. I don't want us to fade away from each other. I don't want you to vanish in thin air, something I couldn't bare. I know that I'll see you many more times, yet I hope that I won't commit the crime. The crime of keeping you at bay, the crime of telling you not to stay. Sometimes our hearts prevent us from feeling when it knows it might cause us some pain. I don't want that from stealing you and keeping you away. Pray for my heart, for these are the words that I wish I can say.

Sun and Moon

Running from here to there, but not getting anywhere. Where is the sun, where is the moon?Ah, I feel like a balloon. I float around into space and then I see her face. I have stumble upon my lover's place. What a delight, sweet delight. Oh, her pretty face. But my balloon drags me away, what great dismay. My heart has stopped, my body is numb. Where is my Sun? Where is my moon? All i see is Jupiter and the cat that jumpt over the moon. But there is no moon. It's all a lie, that big cheese ball in the sky. What is real, what is true? Man, this distance from my lover's face has made me blue. How can one create a masterpiece when all there is are stone? Build me a house, build us a home. See to it, build our home. Feel free to fly by, your balloon and bring your lover's pie. OH, but where is my love, my angel's dove? I miss her sweet lovey touch. But I shall go, but where , if neither here nor there? I shall follow the path of my heart, and my balloon shall find you. All I do is look to the night and our love shall have great attractive might. Our hearst will soon be one. OH, my lover's face, too much open space. My balloon pops and I fall down forever. If only I had wings, I shall fly . But now it seems as though I will die. Where is her sun? Where is her moon? All these distractions make me feel like a loon. A shining star, my perfect star, there she will be. My heart continues to lead me. Down and down I go, when will I stop, only she knows. My lover's face, the most beautiful face. I want her kiss, I see her place, I feel her love, I see her face. My heart lead me to you. I see the sun, I see the moon. I see everything that couldn't exist without you.

A Soldier Call

Mom, I want to go home. This noise, the blood, I don't want any of it. My heart is ice and the trigger is cold. Mom, all I want to do is fold. But a duty I have to make a safer place. Yesterday, I blew off a stranger's face. Oh mom, what shall I do? This destruction is too much. This is not what I thought my life would be. A killer soldier in green. The guts, their bodies, this life!! My God, what have I done? Mom, will I ever see you again? I fight to survive, but I don't want to die. I seen friends come and go, suicide bomber sending them home. My God, I hope they knew YOU. But no time to think of that right now. The sound of pure chaos all around. Mom, we are being held prisoners. I'M A SOLDIER, so why am I so afraid? Was this war just a big lie? Just do me a favor if I shall never escape this place. Tell my baby I'm all right. They may have taken daddy's body, but only God could take my soul. Tell my wife that she was my light, my inspiration, my source of life to fight on. Mom, the bombs, the bombs. "Our father who art in heaven, hollow be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done." A great flash a little. Silence. Am I still alive? What are these pearly white gates? Ah mother, I am alive. I see the angel, I feel no shame. There is no pain, just brightness. Mom, I'm all right.

Confession of a naked boy

Here i lie, naked on a mountain cliff, watching the stars, waching the moon. Here I am, losing my grip on reality, feeling no pain, hearing no plea. Where am I, I don't know. Wind blow from below. Seasons change, all remain the same. Run to you, why should I? My lover is by the cliff and see's me naked. Do I care? Perhaps not. But music is what's got me. The sound of an old tone, my father's favorite. Madness, I see no light. But, I can see the vision. Holy, man cries from above. Holy, the echo's of a simple man. Holy, the sound of salvation. Insanity, that is what I feel. Cold, but comfortable. The voice of my lover's whispher, a hope from above. Redemption, how her touch sets me free. Holy, holy, holy. I shall fear no evil. Glory, glory, glory, do you believe in mourning glory? Delusional, why am i here? Salvation, is this for real? Quiet, I feel my lovers touch. Holy, if only you don't rush. Madness, it goes away. Promise to come back another day. Don't stop, there is a break through. Don't stop, I love you. Holy holy holy, what is the story? Kiss a little slower. Would you please , slightly move lower? Ecstasy, oh sweet ecstasy. Explosion eruption, but not under corruption. Feeling blue, feeling green, but that's not what I mean. Holy, a man on a cliff. Holy, a lover's kiss. Holy, my world admist.

Loving you

What is my world without you but an empty space of nothingness. I thought love was fake, something someone made up a long time ago. With you though, I know now that it is real. When I am with you, I breath a little differently. Sometimes, I have to remember to do so because you do something to me which makes my body work opposite the way it should. When I look into your eyes, my heart stops for a few seconds. Yet, it feels like it's forever and I can feel my body becoming a little faint. I see your smile and it makes me melt. No where in the world is there a better one to me. And when you are away, I feel the pain in my chest and the aches in my brain. The distance takes a tole in my body because you are my life source. It's like a plant without the sun and water. It will surely die. I may not die physically, but spiritually, I am an empty vessel. Then there is the torture of missing you, the sweet and tender thoughts of my sweet love. Ah, I wish for you to be close to me now. That I can kiss you sweetly and hold you tightly. And most of all, just to get lost in your beautiful eyes. What is my world without you? Nothing that I want to imagine. I rather have my body shut down in love than to live forever without it. So, I welcome all the weird things loving you does to me. It's my only true way of living.

All I want for Christmas

During this holiday season, we all become a little stress trying to find the perfect gift for the one's that we love. Yet, we sometimes miss the most important gift of all, and that is just letting the other person know that you love and appreciate them. This year, there will be no traditional Christmas for me. No Christmas tree or presents under the tree. No lights to put up or ornaments I made when I was three. Christmas is going to be a little different this year because my family is being forced to move out of our home by the landlord. (Talk about a Scrooge) He wants to give the house we have made our home to one of his friends. He is giving us until the end of the year to pack up and leave. It's already Dec. 5th, and we still haven't found a new home yet. But, why should we be stressed? I realized that we are blessed to even have shelter for the holiday season and have each other for moral support. I think of all the people in New Orleans and who were robbed of a home and their family. How ridiculous of me to get depressed when I know that we at least have a shot. Though this is probably going to be the toughest season that our family will experience, I still praise God that we are alive and well. That at the end of this dark tunnel, a magnificent light will appear. All I want for Christmas is nothing for myself, for I know that I have a God who will provide. It is for those who have nothing and who would love to be in my position if it was at all possible. Sometimes I feel like crying, but I shall save those tears for humanity. That we will be brothers and sister, and love one another. What is Christmas without love? I may be rambling now, so I'll end here. Merry Christmas everybody, I hope you have a wonderful year.

Love Yourself (Self Respect)

Dear People,
Love yourself, for you are special. Don't fall for anything short than your own worth. You are beautiful, unique from any individual. You are lovely, a diamond in the rough. You are kind and gentle, a breath of fresh air to those who are feeling deflated. You are an inspiration, a person who makes me want to be a better person. You are sexy, someone who lights up any room you go to. You are sincere, a person I can share my life with. You are great, because you are who you are. Love yourself, you are worth more than all the gold, silver and precious jewels in the world, and then some. Don't settle for just any person. You are royalty, worthy of all praise. So, being royalty, find yourself a King or a Queen, someone that will love you and treat you what you are worth."A real man knows a real woman, a real woman knows a real man." For a woman that is in her early twenties, Alicia Keys told us how it is. Know your worth, ladies and gentleman. Know that you deserve to be loved completely and treated right. Anything less is unacceptable. You are wonderful, and someone special is waiting for you.

The Naked Truth

For the past few days, I've been trying to do something a little different that I normally wouldn't. One such thing is singing in the train during rush our, or running around the block with a red balloon. Why? Because sometimes it's good to just do something weird and something that catches people by surprise. We only live once, so in the process, we should mix it up and try to recreate ourself. Doesn't mean we need to change our personality because I'm sure whoever is reading this has plenty of it. Mainly, it's to move away from the norm for just a brief moment in our day. A part of the day which we can say, That is completely mine and I don't think anyone in the world has done that same exact thing. Or if they did, it was with a different color balloon. Anyway, the new thing that I tried today wasn't me displaying my angelic voice on the metro, or jogging with a big red balloon. Today, it was a bit more simple. During lunch time, I was picking up a little something when I decided, I didn't want to drink what everyone else was drinking. Let me see what else there is to choose from. To me, it didn't matter what it was, as long as it didn't look like a Pepsi, gatorade or a V8 splash, though they are all good. Today, I tried a product called "Naked." The name itself got my attention. So, I was going to try whatever flavor I picked first and see if I will live through the experience. LoL. I so happen to get a Flavor that I am familar with, which is Vanilla Chai. Now, the only Vanilla chai that I ever had was made hot. SO, this was going to be a first for me. Also, it was a health smoothie, which contained soy. Now, I'm not one to drink soy all the time, but from what I heard from friends, soy doesn't taste to great. But, I was determined and bought it anyway. To my delight, the Nake Vanilla Chai Protein Soy was very good. Actually, I felt pretty refreshed and in a weird way, felt like I got healthier within a few minutes. Funny how our mind makes us think this when we know we are putting good stuff into it. Anyway, I thought the drink was really good and I seen that it was high in vitamins and protein. So, for anyone out there afraid of change, you may be missing out on something really good.

The Struggling Man

Jack, a writer from NYC, has been having a hard few months. He is young and still lives with his family while he tries to make a name for himself. Everytime Jack wants to move on from his family, a number of misfortune turns up. His tale is a sad one, for no matter how much he tries, there is a need for him at home. Jack would have loved to travel the world and see the different oceans and seas. He also would have chased his true love who had to leave the big apple because of her emergencies. Jack sometimes feels alone and as though nothing right will come his way. But then Jack remembers, today is Wednesday. On this day, he gets paid and he goes to the local cafe, where you goes to listen to other foolish people and lives his life through them. Jack hears the story of a Air Pilot who has suffered many losses, but was a great hero. He would go home to his typewriter and tell the story of those people at the cafe as if it was his own. Jack still needs to deal with the folk and make sure they don't kill each other. But, he finds time in the midnight hour to get whatever freedom he can get to imagine a better life. Then he thinks of his love, and he wonders how she is at that moment. He frowns, knowing that it will be many moons before he will see her again. Then, he cries, because he can't help but feel helpless. He wishes to FLY, and to take his sweetheart to those beautiful mountains he only see's on television. To go to the farthest parts of the ocean and .....just live a little. Jack stops crying, wiping his tears with his old gray sweater. Jack continues to write, and write and write. Then he thinks of the madness at home and he wonder, why do I stay? Couldn't they help themselves through this? But Jack was the voice of reason. When Jack goes away, even for a day, everything is upsidedown in the house and he see's why it is important for him to stay. Jack writes again, and he starts comparing himself to George Bailey from It's a Wonderful Life. Maybe there is some good being done by him being stuck in this rut. He let's these thoughts go, knowing that though it is nice to think he has a purpose in life, it wasn't going to make him any happier. Jack dreams of planes and he flies away. The only peace that poor Jack has is his typewriter and the hope that tomorrow his parents may perhaps die.
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THERE IS A GOD

I wonder how people believe that everything in this world, from the beauty of the ocean, to humans themselves, could believe that a Divine being didn't have a part of it. It just so happens that we were at the perfect place at the perfect time for all this to become? I don't believe so. If we were just a little bit closer to the sun, we would burn up and life wouldn't be able to live. A fraction more away from the sun, and we would all freeze to death. We have an atmosphere to sustain us, food that nurture us, trees that does there function, and a billion other things. If we were without some of these main sources of life, humans wouldn't be able survive. To me, you just have to look around everywhere you go, and you'll see the work of a Divine being. Some people put too much faith in science and evolution. Well, it's there right to believe that and to investigate the topic as extensively as they can. Heck, I even encourage that they do so. Because, at the end of the day, God will reign supreme. There is not enough evidence to say that he doesn't exist. What it takes is a little faith. Many people think of the word faith and start to cring. People need evidence, they can't follow something blindly. You're right. That's why I showed you all the evidence before hand which shows that everything you see around you, had to be design by a higher Being. That being God.

Game winning shot

Ah, I remember when i was about 13 years old and I was playing for a local basketball team. We were in a traveling team, which meant we played other teams outside our own and compete for the championships at the end of the year. Besides the regular season, we also had tournaments that ran at the end of the year as well. I must admit, I was a pretty good basketball player. I had a great jumpshot. In the beginning of the year, I was one of the top starters. However, because I lacked aggressiveness(I played tough, just not a hacker), I was put on the bench as a back up. Now, this was insane to me because I was one of the top scorer and team players. Yet, the person that replaced me was a great defensive presence. So, although I was upset that I had a bench position, I believed in the team and cheered on my teammate. Heck, the coach knows better than I and there comes a time in our life when we need to be humbled. So, for the remainder of the year, I was sort of the 6th man, so to speak. I mean, I thought I was the man. (lol) I even had Michael Jordans number, though I would have preferred Larry Bird's. Anywho, there comes a point in all of our lives when we have to sit down and wait for our number to be called. Such was the case in a tournament game we played. It was actually the last game that I would play with my team, though I would see my teammates from time to time. We were losing by 1 point with 3 seconds left and I had been on the bench almost the whole game. But, one of our main players had fouled out and it left the coach no choice but to put me in. (He had no choice at this point.) So, my teammate is all the way at the opposite side of the court where the opposing teams basket is. Every team member was on that side, probably expecting to get the ball and try their luck from half court. However, I snuck my way to our side of the court which I only had one defender on me, to my surprise. So, my teammate see's me after a few seconds of trying to find someone and throws a perfect pass to me. I get the ball at the free throw line and turn right to the basket where I would put the ball in the hoop just in time to win the game. Boy, was everyone shocked. They thought we were goners. We pulled through and was rewarded with the tournament trophy. Sometimes we need to sit in order to do big things later on.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

Ah, my favorite time of the year. Good old turkey day. Hmmm, my favorite dish or serving would have to be the sweetpotato pie. Man, that sucker is so freakin' good. Whenever I want to have my own Thanksgiving when it's nowhere near the season, I go to Boston Market. I just started going to Boston Market within the year, but boy do they have great sweetpotato and cream of spinach. That's what I eat when I want to treat myself after a long week, or if I just want to have something good to eat. But Thanksgiving is much more than just food. It's a time when we get together with loved ones and enjoy each other. It's funny, the rest of the year, we can have conflict with those that we care about, but when Thanksgiving and Christmas comes along, those bad feelings go away and friend reunite. This year alone, I lost a dear friend. He didn't pass away, but we had some issues that seperated us. Yet, yesterday, I had the joy of the holidays and became closer friends again. I mean, when anything bad happens within a friendship, especially when they betray your trust, it's always hard to pick up the pieces. But, the thing is, don't let the pieces stay on the floor. Pick them up and rebuild. Forgive and try to move on with life. Life is too short to be upset and let trival things from letting you live your life to the fullest. I just want to say God Bless you all and if you have a chance, try some sweet potato pie. :)

My Life For You

What a joy it is to have you in my life
The perfect girl for such an imperfect guy
You are so great, it makes me wonder
What great service I did to Mankind
For God to put you in my life
Did I change people's thinking that
Will ultimately make the world better?
What did I do to be so blessed to have you?
I am no saint, for I know that I am flawed.
My thinking and actions are sometimes out there,
And even with these downfalls,
I still have an angel that loves me.
You know that I have my issues,
Yet you still hold my hand and give me assurance
That you'll stand by my side and walk me through it.
Again Lord, what great good did I do to deserve this?
I feel unworthy of such a wonderful person
You make me want to be a better person
And work out my evil nature
Now I find myself in this position
From this day on to my last heart beat,
I give my life to you
I let you control my destiny, for you won't lead me astray
And thank God Almighty for her deliverance of my heart
That the completion of my life comes from her.

Written By: Christopher Connor
To my Becky Love

If You Look My Way

There she goes, walking right by
Her lovely curls, her big brown eyes
And there I am, seeing this beauty
Talking to my friend, isn't she pretty?

Oh, I need to know her
Boy, do I wish I can hold her
And if she looks my way
I'll marry her someday in May

Here she comes, my heart is racing
She walks right by, I'm still waiting
To build up the courage and say hello
Perhaps write a letter, and let her know

Oh, I need to know you
Girl, I wish I can hold you
And if you look my way
We'll marry someday in May

Written By: Christopher Connor
To my Becky Love

John 3:16

For God so love the world, He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in his shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

Insanity

I've been driven to insanity
Wondering if we could be
Why do I put myself through this torture
Is it something within me?
You are just a person
Yet, you have my heart at the grasp of your hand
The spell you cast over me, none shall ever perceive
Since I've been with you, it's been hard to see
Only you seem to exist within me
The world, the people, are all abstract now
You seem to be my only reality
You are a temptation which can't be denied
A craving that must be met
Let me hold your hand and sing to you my heart
Caress you in my arms until we depart
Kiss your lips like rain drops upon the Scarlet Rose
Our love will be as pure as the untouched snow
Embrace me this day with your hug
Promising to never let go
Only you can let this insanity go


By: Christopher Connor
To my Becky Love